yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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