on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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