I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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