the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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