my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
