Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
