You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
