Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
