I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
