I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I intend to get homeless drunk
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
