now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
