Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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