You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I am naked and annoyed.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
