why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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