How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
People in love make me want to vomit
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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