Fine. I'll sleep in my office
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
