I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
