the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
