Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just leave with hair like that
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize