Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
birth control should be required to get into college
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
