I just pynch a tree in the face
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It was like getting head from an anaconda
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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