dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
