there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
