Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
