My sheets look like a crime scene.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
