An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think my moral compass just broke
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
