Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
