I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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