remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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