its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
