Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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