Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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