I'm eating all of the evidence.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
