I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
