dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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