Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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