I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
