someone get that fucking seahorse.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Come see our sink grown plant.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
