I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
