i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
