the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
