matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
