i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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