He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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