I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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