Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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