I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
