can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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