my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
