There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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