The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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