His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
