I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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