he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
