You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
