Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
