Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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