And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
