I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
