Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
