in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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