Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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