I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
