I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
