Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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