Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
tequila makes me forget i have legs
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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