It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
