just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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