Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
