I faked an abortion last night.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
