there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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