3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
