I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
