Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
