you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
