i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
